Even If It's Just Between Friends
by Svonnah-La-Fay
Summary: Rather strange romance fic, detailing the deep friendship between Rachel and Tobias. At least, that was the concept...the delivery may not get that point across...


Hey there! Yay! I finally have a **story** for you all! Yeah, I know, a break after all those song fics, whew!

K, so we all know I own the Animorphs, blah blah blah...end of disclaimer

**_About this fic:_** This fic details a new relationship between Rachel and Tobias, one not of **romance** (okay, it is, but nothing hot and heavy or sexual), but of **intense, deep, soul-sharing friendship**. At least, that 's the concept I was trying to get across, but was having a little bit of a hard time expressing it. **Sorry. And, yeah, I know the fic is pretty pathetic but I like it. DEFENSE!  
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**Tobias's point of view **

I flew over her lawn and curved left towards her window.

Dodging the branches of the large oak tree that grew there, I alighted not altogether silently on Rachel's open window.

Her room was dark. From the long and shallow breaths, I knew she was asleep. But wasn't it early for…

I looked at the clock. It was later than I thought.

(Whoops,) I said to myself, regretting I had not come earlier. I really looked forward to these nights I could spend with Rachel, and was disappointed I was denied it today.

I turned around slowly on short Hawk legs, and spread my wings.

"Hey."

I stopped, resettled myself, and turned around again.

"Aren't you even going to say hi?"

(I thought you were asleep.)

"Almost. If you hadn't of landed on the sill when you did, I would have been."

(Sorry.)

"It's okay. Do you want to come in?"

(I am in,) I said, a bit nervous at her answer. And technically it was true –I was on the inside ledge of her window.

"Okay." Rachel turned over so she could face me better, and scrunched the pillow under her cheek. She took in a big breath, and let it out. "How are you?"

(Fine. Although it's getting colder every day. I'm not really looking forward to winter.)

"If it gets _too_ cold, you can always come hang out here," Rachel offered. "And you have my permission to come in any time, for any reason."

(Thanks, Rach.)

"You're welcome."

She was silent, watching me; a small smile aimed at my direction.

I was uncomfortable in the attention. I ruffled my feathers. (So, what's new?)

"Well, before I was so rudely denied my beauty sleep," Rachel said, smirking at me, "I was in that in-between dream-like stage, where your mind just wanders, you know? And I was thinking about morphing. My favorite morphs, what makes animals so different from us…"

(And what was your favorite?)

"I couldn't decide!" Rachel grinned. "I was stuck between cat and elephant."

(Cat _is_ cool,) I agreed. (But I think my favorite is dolphin. So happy all the time…)

Rachel nodded, waiting for me to continue.

(I don't know…I was so scared of going in the water at first, but then I did it and it was just so easy to forget everything…life was actually fun for a little while…)

"I know," Rachel said. "It's like being free…that's why I like elephant so much. There are no problems. Nothing to be afraid of. Nothing wrong."

(Marco thinks…)

"Never start a sentence with 'Marco thinks'," Rachel smiled.

I laughed. (Yeah, well…it bugs me…cause he said I used morphs…to hide…from my problems.) I was revealing this slow, not sure if it was a good move to tell her all this.

"Marco's a jerk," Rachel said coldly. "I know you don't hide."

(But…sometimes…I guess at the beginning, I did. There was nothing else to do, once I had that opportunity. Now look at me,) I laughed, spreading my wings. (I guess if I was hiding, maybe I took it too far!)

Rachel surprised me by laughing, convulsing into silent laughter. "You know what? I used to worry about that. If you were okay with it…Cassie…well…some of them thought you were trapped on purpose-"

I ruffled my wings angrily.

"Yeah. I didn't know. I remember I was mad at you, though. Because you wouldn't be human. It wasn't fair of me to ask you to be. I'm sorry."

(It's okay,) I said quietly. (_I'm_ okay.)

She smiled happily at me. "I know. I'm just a little…nostalgic sometimes. It would be much easier to be friends if you weren't a hawk. I could take you shopping…" she looked away, and her eyes kind of glazed over, and her smile grew. She looked back at me. "You'd look great in Polo."

It took me a while to stop laughing at that one.

"I was wondering…if you don't mind…will you morph human?"

(No.)

Rachel nodded. "Why?"

(Cause it's not me. It would be like me asking you to morph a female red-tailed hawk. It's just kind of strange.)

She nodded again, and looked past me, considering what I had just said.

With a loud and agonized sigh, I fluttered down to her bed and started the changes anyway.

Rachel's smiling face was waiting for me when I was done. "You tease!" she said, shoving me.

I went off-balance, and fell down beside her on the bed. I'm sure the startled look must have been hilarious, cause Rachel wouldn't stop laughing at me for awhile. Even when I thought she was done, she chanced a peek at me through her tightly shut eyes, and went into giggles again.

"Sorry," she breathed, gasping for air.

I looked at her resentfully. "That's not nice, Rachel."

"I _know_…" she said sheepishly. "Do you want to spend the night?"

"Sure," I said automatically, then did a double-take when I realized what she had asked.

"Did you just invite me to a sleepover?"

"Yup."

"Well, okay…but as soon as you fall asleep, I'm demorphing."

"That's fine."

Rachel closed her eyes and adjusted her body to get more comfortable, then opened them again to look at me.

"Well," I said indignantly. "Hurry up! Get that beauty sleep you need!"

"I love you too, Tobias!" Rachel said, insulted.

"Ha. Ha." I deadpanned.

"No, really!" Rachel said, snuggling up closer to me, the laughter gone from her now. "I love you. I think we're good enough friends that I can tell you that."

I was a little surprised, but pleased more than shocked.

Her friend.

Her good friend.

"Good enough? _Enough?_ Rach, I've saved your life so many times I don't think 'enough' is enough…"

I looked at her, raising her eyebrow at me.

"Hey," I said. "I love you too."

Rachel nodded and sighed, and moved in even closer. I felt the first cool touches of her skin that I'd had in months when her fingers found mine on my chest.

It was nice to hold hands with someone. It made me feel safe. Normal. Protected.

But she was looking at me in a way that didn't make me feel safe at all. My heart was beating just a little too fast for comfort, and my stomach, if it could have talked, would have been whispering nonsense furiously.

"Come here," Rachel said, lifting my head up and touching our lips together.

She pulled back, and grinned at my shocked expression.

"Umm…" I said, my mouth still tingling. "That was unexpected."

Rachel frowned slightly, questioning me.

"Umm…" I said again. "Rachel, look…I'm still a bird. I mean, I'll be human someday, but right now I'm just not ready for…" I gestured at her and me. "Human things like that."

Rachel nodded, looking sad.

"When I said I loved you, I meant it as my friend. My closest friend. If you were an Andalite, we'd probably be shorm…"

Oh God. What was I saying? I was totally blowing this. Didn't I want her? Didn't I want her to kiss me?

"No," I whispered. "Rachel, I need you. But not as my girlfriend. I need you as my…my…"

I stopped, looking for the word.

"As the person you can trust. The person you can go to and who will hold you and tell you everything will be okay. Your confidante. Comrade. Partner."

Rachel said all this, almost disappointed, almost like she needed something from me.

"Exactly."

I got closer to her and got my arms around her waist, putting our faces near each other again.

"And what if I _want_ to kiss you? What if I'm not satisfied with just a friend, even just a shorm. What if I want to be your love?"

"I will –I do- love you. You will always be the girl I love. But listen to me," I said, stopping her hands from touching me. "Not yet. Not now. You have to give me time."

Rachel stopped sadly. She bit her lip on the inside, disappointed.

"Alright," she finally said. "Okay."

Rachel hugged me.

"But I can't stop wanting you. And I'll take advantage of every single moment to get closer to you." She nipped my bottom lip. "Treasure every bit of affection." Her tongue slid into my mouth. "I have to be this near you. I _have _to. We have to have some sort of intimacy. Even if it's just between friends."

I was breathless.

_God, stop it Tobias. Don't get hurt. Don't love her like she wants you to…like __you want to…_

"Just between friends," I breathed.

Rachel smiled. "Alright?"

And the heat and awkwardness was gone and lifted from us.

"Well, good night, Tobias."

Rachel lay back down on her own pillow, eyes closed, and still.

"G'night, Rachel," I said, my face hot, and confused about her. I didn't know what, or how to think.

Her eyes opened after a bit and she looked up at me.

"Do you miss it?"

"What?" I asked, still confused.

"All that just now. I mean…being touched? Is it strange to come into contact with someone after _no_ contact at all?"

I paused.

"Yeah," I mused. "But not 'strange' exactly, just different. Pleasant. I don't know if I miss it, cause I never had what you'd call positive touch from anyone really, but it _is_ nice to feel someone else there."

I lay down and sighed and looked up at the ceiling, thinking, embarrassed, getting tired…

With a small tingle of surprise, I felt her warm hand on my face, cradling my cheek, brushing over my closed eyes, finally going up to move through my hair.

I sighed shallowly, almost guiltily, enjoying how my skin was being manipulated…cruel words for such a pleasant sensation…

"So I'm guessing it's good, then?"

Her words brought me back into reality, and I jumped a little, embarrassed. "Yeah. It's good."

"Hair is so personal…" Rachel spoke. "I mean, it's gross if you think about it, but each hair stimulates a nerve, and, when done properly, it feels really nice." She laughed suddenly. "I'm always mad at Cassie because she won't grow her hair out. I've always wanted to mess around with it when she comes over, but she's so stubborn…"

I moved my hand, the one not already occupied with hers, and reached across our arms to lose it in Rachel's own soft, smooth mane.

I caressed her gently, moving almost hypnotically, until her own movements slowed and stopped.

She curled up into the fetal position, one hand under her pillow, the other holding mine loosely, and let herself be stroked and petted, smiling at her own happiness.

I sensed it when she left consciousness, but I still touched her, moving my fingers softly over her face.

_What have you gotten yourself into? You just turned Rachel, THE Rachel, Rachel the Goddess, down when she asked you to be her boyfriend, for goodness sakes, and then you both copped a deal where you'll be friends with benefits! Come on, man! What are you doing!_

"Shut up," I whispered. I wouldn't think about it.

I wouldn't think about this strange predicament, the new weird relationship I was in with Rachel. If we could just live in it, without trying to analyze it, everything would be okay.

"Hey," I said. "I love you."

I slowly pulled my hand from hers, and kissed her briefly on the forehead, before I demorphed and flew away.


End file.
